Once someone has left home, it could be said that they will be their own person. Undoubtedly, what they learnt during their time in their caregiver/s presence will have influenced who they are but now they will be free to express themselves.

If they have trouble expressing themselves or achieving something, then, it will primarily be due to what is going on for them; it won't have anything to do with their caregiver/s. Through realising this, they will be able to do something about their life.


On the other hand, if they were to look outside of themselves and to think about if their caregiver's have played a part they could be wasting their time. Therefore, there is going to be no point in them doing this.

In order for them to move forward, it will be a good idea for them to look into the thoughts that they have and what they believe. Through undertaking this process, it might soon become clear as to why their life is the way that it is.

A Thing of The Past

And by doing something about them, they may find that it is only a matter of time before their life changes. Something that they have struggled with for years will then come to an end, thereby allowing them to express more of who they are and to move forward with their life.

This could end up being a time when they are filled with gratitude for the progress that they have made. After this, they find another area of their life that is not flowing and try the same approach again.

A Different Outcome

At the same time, this approach might only allow them to get them so far. So, even after looking into their thoughts and beliefs and making changes, they may find that they are unable to change something.

They may find that a big part of them is unwilling to let something go, even though it is not serving them or allowing them to go to the next stage in their own evolution. This could be something that will fill them confusion.

Stepping Back

What they could do, at this point, is to make a note of the challenges that they haven't been able to deal with. For example, they could find that they haven't been able to find a suitable partner and that supporting themselves has always been an issue.

After this, they could put what is going on in their life to one side and think about the challenges that their caregiver/s have. To their surprise, they may find that most, if not all, of the challenges that they have are the same ones as their caregiver/s have.

Just a Coincidence

Still, this could just be put down to the fact that the challenges that they have are common and are 'just part of life'. In addition to their caregivers/s having these challenges, they could see that a lot of other people also have the same challenges.

Yet, while one could end up overlooking the connection between what is going for them and what is going on for their caregivers, they could take an even closer look. If they were to do this, they might soon see that there is more to all this than meets the eye.

Drawing the Line

What could start to become crystal clear is that their life is not an expression of who they are, it is an expression of one or both of their caregivers. To use an analogy: the actor will be different but the performance will be the same.

Considering this, one will be physically separate from their caregiver/s, but they won't have been able to completely emotionally separate from them. This part of their being will still be strongly attached to them, preventing them from living their own life.

A Big Difference

Now, this doesn't mean that they will need to need to cut all their emotional ties to their caregivers/s; this is not what is being spoken about here. This is about one being able to experience love and appreciation, for instance, towards their own caregiver/s and to be able to live their own life at the same time.

When one's life is an expression of the issues that their caregivers haven't been able to resolve, this will be a sign of a lack of individuation and will have very little to do with a normal and healthy emotional attachment. It will show that they need to let go of what doesn't belong to them and to work on their own boundaries.

An Important Question

To root out what is stopping them from living their own life, they could look into what they believe would happen if they were to move on from these challenges. During this time, one could come into contact with things that relate to their very survival.

For example, if they were to have a fulfilling relationship, they could fear that they will be rejected and abandoned. This will show that their survival is still attached to their original caregiver/s and hasn't been internalised.


If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, five hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.